I decided that it was time take a break and to (re) watch the newer Star Trek series - Discovery, Picard, and Strange New Worlds and knit along with taking a nap if I found myself sleepy.
Note: I am a Star Trek fan having grown up with it; I like Star Wars but I came out when I was at university so it had less of an impact on me. I should say it was NOT Uhura that influenced me as many people would say due to her being the lead female on the show; no, it was SCOTTY and SPOCK - the engineer and the scientist that resonated with me.
I started with Picard where I rewatched the first season and I found a scene where Picard says:
"I haven't been living. I've been waiting to die."
Oh, did this hit home. Not that I have been waiting to die BUT I certainly haven't been living the past few months; I have just been going through the motions of living.
Next I watched Discovery, again starting with the first season which I had seen when it first came out and after that I watched Strange New Worlds and Boots would watch the TV whenever Pike was on.
All the shows helped me get involved with the characters and experience a wide range of emotions where I cried, laughed, yelled at "people", said their lines before they did, and cuddled with Boots and started to heal.
My routine was (is) - Boots wakes me around 630am but I would stay in bed until 7 or 730. Then we went downstairs and I fed her, made myself a cup coffee, make breakfast, read the news and take care of a few tasks: finances, laundry, dishwasher, litterbox, garbage, email, etc. Then it was go upstairs to the family room and watch the morning news and weather and knit, then turn on Star Trek. At mid-day it was time for lunch and give Boots more food and watch more ST and possibly take a nap for about an hour followed by dinner for me and Boots and return to what ever series and season I was on. I would stop about 10 pm, watch the evening news and weather and then to bed! On Tuesday I would go to lunch with Gylver and Joan and do the grocery shopping or some other errand in town on my way home. Thursdays was "stitch and bitch" at the knitting store and then over to Gylver and Joan's for dinner and either a board game or a jig-saw puzzle (this would take a few weeks for us to do) until dark then home to feed Boots and go to bed.
I am now, emotionally feeling much better; there is still a ways to go but that hole is much much smaller